What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written, “FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.” But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:28-39

Romans 8:28 has been a verse that has carried me through more dark hours than I care to mention. Not because I believed that it was saying that every thing would end happily ever after, but because of what the end of verse 27 says, “according to the will of God.” That phrase is of the utmost importance. Today we are told everywhere we look that God wants us to have our “best life now.” Our best life isn’t going to take place on this earth, it is going to take place in the presence of our Holy God in heaven, one day in the future, and it will last for eternity. We have been given this twisted perspective that it is all about us. We have the opinion that God is here to meet our whims and give us all of our desires, as long as they are really good. We seem to think that we have something God needs. As if He couldn’t work out His will without us. God uses us to work out His will, we are His instruments and tools, but His will, will be done apart from me or anything I can do to mess it up.

Today I was thinking about someone who God used in my life before I was a Christian to teach me something of His nature. This person was Corrie ten Boom. If you are unfamiliar with her, she is a Christian who helped hide Jews in Amsterdam. She and her family risked their lives to help those who were being unjustly persecuted. God spared her, though He took her through the darkest hours any of us can imagine, and He worked everything to His good. Did that mean that her father, brother and her dear sister Betsy all made it through the horrors to be reunited at the end. No. They all paid with their lives, except Corrie. She watched her sister beaten and abused, and they lived in conditions none of us can imagine. Was this good? Would she have said she was living her best life? She would have, but who else would have? Through Corrie trials and suffering the Lord has been able to reach countless others. She was a stepping stone that the Lord used to draw me to Himself. God used these unbearable trials to teach Corrie many valuable lessons, and then He allowed her to share these truths with others. God worked good in Corrie’s life, every day of her life. Not only in the good times, but in the unbearable times. He never left her, He had His hand on her every moment of every day, no matter how dark.

Another dear woman that God has used in my life is Elisabeth Elliot. Jim and Elisabeth were missionaries in Ecuador, along with Ed McCulley and his wife Marilou, Roger Youderian and his wife Barbara, Pete Fleming and his wife Olive, and Nate Saint and his wife Marjorie and his sister Rachel. Their plan was to reach a group of hostile natives known as the Aucas. The men set out on a trip in effort to make contact, and did. They were then killed by the very natives to whom they were taking the gospel. The days of not knowing had to be very difficult on all of these women. They all had young children, except the Flemings. As a wife and mother, I can only imagine how dark those days of not knowing must have been. The struggle of trying to keep everything together for the children had to be unbearable. God did not desert them during their darkest hours. He carried them. He gave them just the grace they needed for that moment. He even gave Elisabeth and Rachel the ability to forgive the very men who had killed their loved ones, and used these women to bring countless natives to Christ.

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me–to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:7-10

God allowed Corrie ten Boom and Elisabeth Elliot to go through struggles we can hardly imagine. Why? For His glory and to work things together for His good. This is often hard for us to comprehend and we can’t see how we could go through something similar. The truth of the matter is, none of us have the strength to go through something like this alone, we can only get through it with the grace of God to sustain us. He won’t give us the strength we need until the moment we need it.

I have gone through dark days in my life, where I couldn’t see God’s plan no matter how hard I tried. What I was going through didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t see how any of it could be made into something good. Twenty-two years later, I see the good. The truth is, I only see a portion of the good He did through those circumstances. The portion I see is overwhelming at times. He has blessed me beyond anything I could dream of deserving. God alone is able to give strength to those whose knees are buckling under from the weight of the burdens being carried. Do you feel that the burden you are carrying is more than you can handle? Who is doing the heavy lifting? You, or God?

This is part of the interview I saw when I was in my teens of Corrie ten Boom. Skip to the 3:10 mark to see her.

Stephen Curtis Chapman did a tour in 2002 talking about the group from Ecuador. This video is a small part of it, you may want to watch the other parts as well. They are all great.

Eight years ago after we moved to Houston, Lindsay became sick with chronic sinus infections which moved into asthma by the winter. Within the next three years Hannah, Rachel and Caroline all had asthma as well. As their asthma and allergies worsened other symptoms were added to the mix. They were fatigued, fuzzy headed, having migraines, and stomach issues. Most of these fit into the category of serious airborne allergies and the side effects of the needed medicine. Many people take preventative medicines for their asthma, but with the girls most of these seemed to only exacerbate it. There have been months of going through migraines, one or more of the girls living in the dark and quiet for weeks on end to deal with the pain, only coming out a couple of times a day. There have been endless nights staying awake until 6 am trying to get someone’s asthma under control. School has basically been on hold, because they often were not able to concentrate long enough and didn’t have enough energy to do the necessary tasks.

Most people can’t comprehend what life is truly like in our house. For a while I would try to explain to those who were close to me, but they didn’t really understand. I received lots of ideas and comments from outsiders who thought that I must not be doing “something” right. I thought that as well. The only problem was . . . I couldn’t find any answers. We tried traditional medicines, homeopathy, and herbs and none of it seemed to make any difference.

A general feeling of helplessness overcame us, and then acceptance that this was the way things were going to be. We have try to focus on what God is teaching us during these days, and He has taught us a lot. I know he has taught me a great deal about my selfish nature. We have also learned a lot about expectations. We often make things or events much more important than they should be. I have really battled over the holidays the last couple of years. We would all have things we would want to do to make the holidays special, but for the last few Christmases all that the girls have been able to muster is watching “It’s A Wonderful Life”, in their pajamas. It can be hard to be encouraging and make things fun, when they all feel like this illness is ruling their lives and it will never end.

At this time we are in a hopeful stage of life. In a casual conversation with a dear woman from church we began to see some overlapping of the symptoms she experiences and what the girls experience. In talking to her we found that she had Celiac disease. I had heard of it, but never would have put it together. When we came home we did more research and were astonished to see how many of the symptoms that we had, matched up with Gluten Intolerance or Celiac. At first we believed we most likely had the intolerance, but are pretty sure now that several of us have Celiac (it is genetic and not uncommon for a whole family to have it). We have been off of Gluten for a couple of weeks and have already seen changes. Some of the changes are good, and some of them are difficult. I will be writing more here and on Keeth Family Homemaking about the changes we have been making.

Have you had to deal with food allergies and intolerance? I’d love to hear your experiences. I am finding that I can glean a great deal of wonderful information from those who have walked this path before me.

*Update: Check out this similar post on Keeth Family Homemaking .

In looking back over my old posts I see that things I pondered before, I am still pondering, sometimes from the other side. I wonder if some of these thoughts will never be answered for me and I will just have to do the best I can for this time. The Lord has shown me many things over these last 5 years (as well as the years before) and it is encouraging to be able to look back and see what He has been doing in my life. As I was looking back over some of my old posts I came across this quote by Spurgeon which is how I feel about many things that I ponder.

“That God predestines, and that man is responsible, are two things that few can see. They are believed to be inconsistent and contradictory; but they are not. It is just the fault of our weak judgment. Two truths cannot be contradictory to each other. If, then, I find taught in one place that everything is fore-ordained, that is true; and if I find in another place that man is responsible for all his actions, that is true; and it is my folly that leads me to imagine that two truths can ever contradict each other. These two truths, I do not believe, can ever be welded into one upon any human anvil, but one they shall be in eternity: they are two lines that are so nearly parallel, that the mind that shall pursue them farthest, will never discover that they converge; but they do converge, and they will meet somewhere in eternity, close to the throne of God, whence all truth doth spring. (New Park Street Pulpit, 4:337)”

As I look back, I can’t help but look forward as well. Where will we be in 5 years? What changes will have taken place? How will God grow each of us? What family members will no longer be living? I am reminded that we are not promised our next breath, much less tomorrow and that we should do our best to serve our Lord in every moment that we have here on earth. How will we do this over the next few years? I don’t know, but I look forward to seeing what God has in store for me no matter what the circumstance. My prayer is that I will remember that His grace is sufficient!

From the Rev. John Newton to Mrs. H. More
December 12, 1798

My Very Dear Madam,
Miss Lambert told me last night that you had been very ill, and were at present but slowly recovering; but another lady gave me hopes to-day that it was a mistake. I well know that fame, with her hundred mouths, tells a hundred fibs, and I can give little credit to rumours till I see them confirmed in the gazette. However, as it is some time since I indulged myself in the pleasure of writing to you, I embrace this occasion, in hope that some of these days you may find leisure to inform me, under your own hand, how you and your good sisters are.

Fame has been busy about me likewise. It has been said by some, that I had had three successive fits; by others that I was confined by a fever; and some thought proper to affirm that I was dead. I compare the art of spreading rumours to the art of pin-making. There is usually some truth, which I call the wire; as this passes from hand to hand, one gives it a polish, another a point; others make and put on the head and at last the pin is completed. My health and spirits have been and still are, as good as ever; but on the twenty-third of last month I found, by repeated falls while I was dressing myself, that the strength of my left leg was withdrawn. For three or four days I could not walk across the room without support. I kept house the Sunday following. This was the wire of the pin, all the additions were invented or conjectured. It is my happiness to have a praying people, and I ascribe it to the Lord’s goodness, in answer to the prayers of my friends, that a blessing attended the means used for my relief and I was only kept one day from St. Mary’s. I really thought at first it might be the Lord’s pleasure to confine me to the house for the rest of my days, that I might myself try to practice the lessons of patience and resignation to the will of God which I have often recommended to others from the pulpit. I may thank him that such a prospect did not distress me. I was enabled to see and to feel that I am not my own; that he who bought me with his blood has a right to dispose of me, and to say Go here, or sit there, as he sees best; and farther, that his sovereign authority is combined with infinite mercy, and that He has promised to choose and manage far better for me than I could choose for myself if permitted. I aimed and still aim to say from my heart what, when, and how thou wilt. My sins and follies banished me to the house of bondage in Africa, redeemed me when I knew him not,- when I defied him. He has since given me a name and a place among his children. My case has been singular.

Surely he has done enough to demand and to warrant the simple surrender of myself and my all to him. And now I am old and know not the day of my death, my chief solicitude and prayer is, that my decline in life may be consistent with my character and profession as a Christian and a minister, that it may not be stained with those infirmities which have sometimes clouded the latter days even of good men. May he preserve me from a garrulous and from a dogmatically spirit; from impatience, peevishness and jealousy. If called to depart or be laid aside, may I retire like a thankful guest from a plentiful table, rejoicing that others are coming forward to serve him, I hope better, when I can serve him in this life no more; and then at length, when flesh and blood are fainting, if he will deign to smile upon me, I shall smile upon death. This is all I have to ask for my own personal concern, and to this purpose I request a remembrance in your prayers. I will repay you as I am able in the same way. It is a serious thing to die, and it becomes me now, far in seventy-fourth year, to transition without dismay. But I well know that if this last enemy, or rather to the believer, this kind messenger, should actually approach, unless the Lord supported me I should prove a coward; though now, while I am in health, and quietly smoking my pipe, and he seems at a distance, I can think, write, or speak of him without anxiety. There is a dying strength needful to bear up the soul in a dying hour. The Lord has said, “As thy day, so shall thy strength be,” and “My grace is sufficient for thee.” On these good words I would humbly rely, for indeed in myself I am nothing, and can do nothing, and without his gracious influence I am alike unfit to die or live.

My dear brother Cecil is thought to be in a dangerous way, that is, in danger of exchanging earth for heaven. The physicians judge it to be an inaccessible disorder in an intestine. The effect is a violent and almost incessant pain in the back and loins. He cannot remain long in one posture, neither stand, walk, or lie down without a change. But his mind is peaceful and resigned. It is a heavy blow upon his people, and heavily felt; but I do not give him up. Much prayer is made for him, and though physicians shake their heads and medicines seem to fail, we know who can restore him by a word. “To God the Lord belong the issues from death.” His life seems to us very important; and if we know what we ask, the Lord will raise him up. If otherwise, he can give us submission to his will, which is always wise and good. Though useful ministers are successively removed, the Lord is still with us. There is a pleasing prospect of a number of young men, who we hope will prove faithful and able in the established church. This is a token for good in these turbulent and degenerate times. The Lord has still a remnant among us, scattered up and down the land like salt, who mourn for their sins and the sins of others. Without these, our nation would be soon in a state of putrefaction. But, for their sakes and in answer to their prayers, Almighty God has given us a great victory by Admiral Nelson, and has since disconcerted the designs of the French upon Ireland. The religion which alone can save the state, is now reproached and stigmatized by a name which, though undefined, has a magical force; and I believe there are those who would be well content if all who profess it were safely settled in New Holland. So the inhabitants of Sodom were weary of Lot, though the destruction of their city was only retarded by his continuance in it, and the very day when he was removed they all perished.

The afternoon lectureship of St. Giles-in-the-Fields is vacant. The candidate most likely to have the majority of votes is a Mr. Sheppard, who was some time Mr. Cadogan’s curate at Reading. The Bishop of Chichester is rector of the parish’ and we are told that he inquired his character of the Bishop of London, who had no knowledge of him. I was desired to write to the bishop; but this was a liberty I did not think myself warranted to take; though his lordship has upon several occasions given me pleasing proofs of his favorable opinion; and I have little doubt but he would credit my testimony if it came properly before him. But if you, my dear madam, when you write to him, should choose to mention Mr. Sheppard’s application as a piece of the news of the day, and that your correspondent J.N. assured you that he has known Mr. S. several years and believes him to be an upright moderate man, a good and diligent preacher, and a firm friend of our constitution in church and state, it might perhaps, have a good effect towards fixing such a man in a pulpit, where the afternoon congregation is between two and three thousand. To say that Mr. S. is unprovided for, and that the income of the lectureship would be helpful to the maintenance of his family, are considerations of a very inferior importance.

I am again in the press; when I shall get out of it depends on Mr. Bensley, the printer. When I was at Southampton this autumn, I finished a work, which though but a small one, and began three or four years ago, I should never have finished at home,- my engagements and interruptions are so many. I think it will come abroad early in next year, under the title of “Memoirs of the Life of the late W. Grimshaw” he was an extraordinary man; he was removed to a better world in the year 1763; but I have been enabled to glean up several authentic particulars, which, I think, are worthy of being recorded, to the praise of him whose he was, and whom he served. I have given the book, wholly and for ever to the Society for the Relief of the Poor and Pious Clergy. And I believe I may call this my “extremum laborem.” I am sometimes almost ashamed to think I have written so much. This book will make the twelfth volume in duodecimo; yet it has pleased God to give some of my publications acceptance with the people, and therefore I have cause to be thankful. They have been spread far and wide, published in England, Ireland, Scotland, and America, and in the German and Low Dutch languages. How wonderful that he should so honour the African blasphemer! But there is a time to write, and a time to desist from writing. I may say, as the late Bishop of London, Dr. Lowth, said to me, “I cannot do as I wish, nor as I have done The shadows of the evening are advancing upon me. But while I can use my pen or my tongue, I know who has a right to their service.” If ever I see Mendip again, it must be by a bird’s -eye view from the higher hill of Zion above. But I trust I shall at intervals recollect with pleasure the happy week I passed at Cowslip Green, while I can remember any thing.

May you and all the ladies accept my repeated thanks for all the kindness I have received from you, and if we never all meet together in the flesh, I hope we shall often meet at a throne of grace while upon earth, and hereafter before the throne of glory, and join in the songs of unceasing praise, “to him who loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood.”

I am most sincerely,
Your affectionate and much obliged,
John Newton

Often we have a general direction that we would like to travel, but aren’t making conscious choices about how to arrive at our destination. If you were in California and wanting to end up in Virginia, would you just start heading east taking whichever road went in that direction? Or would you take time to plot out your route and plan what you will do along the way?

If we will invest the time to plan our travel and vacations, why do we so often leave the directions of our families to chance? We often take things as they come with our daily lives, not taking the time to research and make decisions that will help us arrive at our destination. Shouldn’t we spend as much time planning for our families as we do our vacation?

What is the travel plan for your family?