by lora on November 13, 2007 at 5:24 pm

I have had several comments from different women who, while agreeing with some of what I have said, don’t agree with it all, which I expected. What I want to address today is what some have been saying to me that is best summed up in thatmom’s comment.

“Lora,

While there are so many things that you have shared that I agree with, I am so concerned over one point….you are presuming upon God’s direction for your daughters. Do you know what He might be calling them to? What if He wants to raise up another Gladys Alyward or Amy Carmichael through your precious girls?

While I do not believe in labels either nor do I believe that college is for everyone, I have been where you are, dear sister. My husband and I heard all of these teachings on daughters over 20 years ago when we were part of Bill Gothard’s ATIA program. We set out to do the things you are recommending. But then, we examined the word of God, simply and plainly and without presuppositions placed over passages like Numbers 30.
To God’s glory, our eyes were opened.

I hope you will consider that you are teaching things that are preferences rather than commands from Scripture and as such, being dogmatic is dangerous. I hope you receive this in the spirit in which I have shared it, friend.”

While I appreciate that many are showing concern for my daughters, I truly believe that it has less to do with that, than they don’t like my philosophy on raising daughters, or at least key aspects of our convictions. I will use the above comment to answer my critics, but know that it is just re-iterating what others have said, here and in blog posts on other blogs. My desire is to not sound harsh or unkind, but firm. I hope and pray that my words will be taken in the way they are meant, which is kind correction.

Do you know what He might be calling them to? What if He wants to raise up another Gladys Alyward or Amy Carmichael through your precious girls?

I have never proclaimed or implied that I know the mind of God, but I do know what His word says. As Carmon stated in her reply, God has very specific roles for men and women. I believe this to be true, completely and utterly. To throw that aside is sad to me. I revel in the unique way God distinguished me from my husband. God created me (and all women) with a purpose in mind. That purpose is to be a helpmeet to our husbands (and all that flows from that). I know that many women balk at that today and throw around phrases such as “equality in Christ”; as if my having a different role somehow makes me less of a person in the eyes of Christ. I have never even referred to “equality in Christ” with my daughters, because they can’t imagine their equality being questioned. I have read what many women have had to say about key verses in regard to the differences between men and women, and in my opinion they are twisting these verses to meet their own desires.

As for my daughters being the next Gladys Alyward or Amy Carmichael… I briefly touched on this in a previous post. Just because these women did something and there was fruit from it, doesn’t mean that is what we should do. Our family has an evangelism ministry in which we witness as we go along our daily lives as well as at special events. My youngest three daughters handed out 700 tracts in about 2 hours one Saturday in particular, effectively putting the gospel into the hands of 700 people. If they continue doing so throughout their lives, I daresay they could easily have as great an impact for the cause of Christ as either of these ladies. The reality is, we all can.

When I had 3 age 3 and under, I was having a hard time because I didn’t “feel” (the key word that usually hints that there is sin lurking nearby) I was serving God to my fullest potential, because I was “just” at home with a bunch of kids. Then a very wise man (who didn’t homeschool and had a career wife) pointed out something that carried me through the long days that followed. He told me that while I may not be out proclaiming the name of Christ to the world, I could be raising the next Susanna Wesley. I truly believe that we often limit what God can do by trying to put Him in the box that the Western civilization has created for Him, instead of applying what He has taught us in His word.

Our daughters do have the opportunity for ministry in situations in which they are protected. For instance, Lindsay went to Mexico for a week doing street ministry. She went with a church group and was able to witness to many people while there. (Though a friend of ours who used to be a Border Patrol agent later told us we had been crazy to send her to that border town because it was notorious for girls being kidnapped.)If one of the girls had the opportunity to do mission work with another family, we would try to work it out. Not to start another hot button topic, but we also question the validity of some “mission” work. The mission work would have to have a greater opportunity for spreading the gospel than most mission trips have. When Lindsay’s health improves, she also plans on volunteering at the crisis pregnancy center and a nursing home. The ministry opportunities are really great, even while being protected.

While I do not believe in labels either nor do I believe that college is for everyone, I have been where you are, dear sister. My husband and I heard all of these teachings on daughters over 20 years ago when we were part of Bill Gothard’s ATIA program. We set out to do the things you are recommending. But then, we examined the word of God, simply and plainly and without presuppositions placed over passages like Numbers 30.

I don’t believe you could have read all that I had to say about college and our daughters, because you would see that I never used Numbers 30 as a reference point. As for ATI and Bill Gothard, I am not associated with them in any way, nor have I ever sat under their teaching. Let me state for clarity, that while we have never been associated with ATI, we know many great families who are. We may not agree with all that ATI sets forth, but we will not slam them in any way.

Many who are writing seem to be under the impression that we are in a particular camp aligning ourselves with a certain ministry, and if that is what you have read into this, you have missed a great deal of my point. My point is that we came to our decisions apart from any man teaching us. If you knew me, which I know many reading don’t, you would find that I take everything I am told with a grain of salt. People have to really prove to me the truth of what they are saying. Often when I find a teacher, like Spurgeon for instance, I will find that I agree with much of what he has to say, not because he said it, but because I was already thinking along that line. When I first read about the 5 points of Calvinism, I was amazed that I agreed with them all. I believed all 5 points, but I didn’t realize that others thought the same way and that there was a name for it. While this method may not make me the sharpest tack in the box on all things theological… it has protected me from a lot of problems, one of them being “man worship” (the act of giving greater value to the words of man rather than God).

To God’s glory, our eyes were opened.

I am going to try to be charitable here, because this statement really bothers me. It implies that to hold to the beliefs I do, I must have scales over my eyes. That your eyes are truly opened to God’s truth and mine are not. I have tried very hard in all of my posts to convey what I feel without placing my convictions on the shoulders of others. I recognize that God reveals His truth to us at different times and in different ways. I hope and pray that you didn’t realize the implications of what you said.

I hope you will consider that you are teaching things that are preferences rather than commands from Scripture and as such, being dogmatic is dangerous. I hope you receive this in the spirit in which I have shared it, friend.

I don’t believe that I ever said these were commands that everyone should follow. I don’t believe that preference is the right word, because that implies that I prefer it without any true grounds, more like a whim. I may prefer pizza over hamburgers, but there are no true foundational reasons for doing so. I attempted to lay out a very clear and thought out groundwork for why we believe what we do. We arrived at our beliefs after much searching of the scriptures and listening to the leading of the Lord. That would make them convictions, rather than preferences.

I hope that I have not come across as harsh in my words here. I did feel the need to clarify my beliefs and convictions and to answer the criticism against me.

Filed under: God's sovereignty, family life, homemaking, homeschooling, raising daughters