by lora on October 15, 2009 at 3:56 pm

I originally posted this article in 2005, and it continues to bring in traffic to my blog today.  I am surprised at how many people are searching about Christian femininity.  Now that Lindsay will be getting married, I hope that I have taught her to have the balance that is needed to be a Christian woman & wife.

Lately I have been discussing with my 20 year old daughter, Lindsay, the image of womanhood being put forth by many in the homeschooling community. Being a homeschooling mother of five daughters, this is something that concerns me greatly. I am in no way a feminist; in fact I have a much more conservative view on the role of a young woman than most homeschoolers I know. Lindsay stays at home, ministering to her family and others as the opportunity arises. She does not go to college or take online courses. She does do independent studies here at home, following her interests. Our feeling is that we are preparing our daughters to be wives and mothers, and we try to develop the skills necessary for those roles. Though as any of our friends will tell you, we by no means have girls who are only interested in only “girlie” things. They love nature and the outdoors and love to explore God’s creation. At our house the yelling of, “Snake!” sends them running. Not away from the snake, but to it. They have a dad who loves his girls and loves sharing his knowledge of God’s creatures with them.

The vision of a Godly woman many seem to hold is that of a Victorian woman. The vision of tea parties with finger sandwiches, and sitting around doing embroidery while all the women talk. Some have even suggested that we should dress more like women of that time. They also promote little girls only doing “girl” things such as sewing, reading, playing instruments, cooking and such. The impression is given that they shouldn’t be exploring, hiking, digging in the mud or climbing a tree. I must confess, I have a hard time keeping our 20 year old out of a good climbing tree. I have even heard some say that we should act weak in order to make our men feel strong.

I have also seen rise to the idea that little girls should be dressed as “little ladies” all the time, with their frilly dresses. Any one of my girls will tell you that I prefer them to wear skirts, and that I think they look more feminine in a skirt, but it’s not appropriate all the time, nor necessary. This brings to mind the scene in the “Sound of Music” when Maria is in trouble for making play clothes for the children so they don’t have to play in their “straight jackets.” Many people who promote this idea are also of the dresses only mindset. That’s a whole other argument that I won’t get into; it’s enough that you know that we have been on both sides of this issue, and have peace about where we stand now.

A couple of years ago we were in a church that very much promoted many of the ideas I’ve been discussing. Being in that situation, I would tend to discuss with the women there only very surface issues. We discussed homeschooling, cleaning house, sewing and such. I was made aware that this was the norm by a church leader’s wife. I asked her a question about doctrine, and her answer was, “I don’t worry about such things, that’s for my husband to decide.” I won’t go into all that I felt at that time, but it greatly disturbed me to hear this statement. God gave me the Holy Spirit, just as He did my husband, and He wants me to understand and decide my feelings on doctrine and other issues as well. He did not call us unto Himself so that we could be mirrors of our husbands, or of an other person, we are to only mirror Christ. There are many times that Gene and I have disagreed on interpretation, but that doesn’t mean I don’t submit to his decision. God has used our differences to help me grow greatly. You have to put a great deal of trust in God and your husband in order to disagree in principle but be willing to submit in these instances. And no, I don’t always do a great job in this area, but God is growing me in it.

During the time we were at that church, I had a conversation with a woman who would, as time went on, become like a sister to me. I remember telling her of one of my pet peeves about house cleaning and she made some comment about being more than just a housekeeper. I don’t remember the comment exactly, and she wasn’t being rude, she was just making a very good point. There is more to my life than how to wash clothes or teach science. God has much meatier issues for me to be discussing with my friends in order that I might be sharpened or that they might.

What should we then teach our daughters? To be Godly, must we all be Victorian women sitting back sipping tea? (Mind you, I love a good cup of tea.) To find the answer, I did what we should all do, and that is look at the scriptures. I’m not going to use the obvious ones. Yes, we should be keepers at home and try our level best to fit the Prov. 31 model, but let’s look at some real people. To just mention a few, in the Old Testament there was Zipporah, Rachel, Rebekah and Ruth. When Moses and Jacob met their future wives, the girls were tending their fathers’ sheep. Have you ever thought what it would be like to be tending sheep in the desert? These women were out in the elements, climbing rocks, chasing and watering sheep. Not exactly the Victorian image, is it? When Issac’s servant met Rebekkah, she watered his camels. Ruth met her second husband while gleaning in his fields. These were physically hard, dirty jobs. None of these women paint the picture that has been given us of femininity. Yes, there was Esther, and she spent a great deal of time preparing herself for the king. But she was the exception not the rule. Just as if you look at the Victorian period, those able to sit back, drink tea and embroider in their beautiful dresses were the exception, not the rule. Most women at that time had a very hard life. They worked from the time they arose until they went to bed. Their work was backbreaking, dirty and endless. Most of us would not have been among the elite if we had lived during that time. I believe it is wrong to give our daughters a romantic vision of what it is to be a woman. Being a Godly woman is too complex an issue to wrap up in the package of a single type of woman. To my husband, I want to be beautiful like Esther, have devotion like Ruth, to be able to fulfill the model of the Prov. 31 woman, and to be devoted to Christ like Mary Magdalene. I want my daughters to see me as able to handle whatever situation may arise with a cool head and confidence. I also want them to see me asking for help when it’s truly needed, not just for the sake of femininity. I desire for them to see my devotion to Christ and my husband on a daily basis. Above all of this, I want my daughters to love the Lord their God with all their hearts, souls and minds.

Lora on 10.25.05 @ 12:36 AM

Filed under: family life, ponderings, raising daughters