A Time of Reflection

by lora on May 29, 2010

Well, it’s been a little over a month since Lindsay’s wedding. Life is slowly creeping back to normal, actually, I don’t believe we live in the realm of normal, but it’s normal for us. Since the wedding everyone has been suffering from terrible allergies, so that has slowed down the transition. I have many thoughts swimming through my head in regard to all the changes that have taken place, and hopefully will be able to put them into words.

Before the wedding I was cautioned by many that after the wedding I would emotionally crash and that the realization that things would never be the same again would set in. As of this writing the emotional crash hasn’t arrived. I have spent hours pondering this and tried to decipher why it was that it didn’t happen. It seemed logical that it should occur, and I really couldn’t put my finger on why it wasn’t. After a couple of weeks of thinking that my emotional break, was being played out in the fact that I wasn’t having one, I came up with a solution. I really think the reason that I didn’t have an emotional break, was because of my doctrine. I know, you’re thinking, “What in the world does doctrine have to do with how you respond to your daughter’s wedding?” I asked myself the same question . . . repeatedly. Just as I was coming to this conclusion Pastor Voddie preached a sermon and pretty much summed up what I was thinking. No, he wasn’t preaching on women having emotional breakdowns, but on God’s sovereignty.

After Pastor Voddie’s sermon I became even more convinced that I was on the right track. I realized that my doctrine plays a part in every aspect of my life. It affects how I view things on every level. This is how I reasoned it out.

1. Did I believe that Lindsay marrying Ryan was God’s will? Yes.
2. Didn’t I want God’s will for Lindsay’s life? Yes.
3. Do I believe that God’s will is for them to live in Denver? Yes
4. Complaining or telling God that I didn’t like His sovereign will would be selfish & sinful.
5. I need to accept His will and be happy and thankful for it.

These thoughts played out in a myriad of ways. I had been dealing with the distance issue since September. When Ryan first approached Gene I was so excited that Lindsay was going to be marrying someone right in our own church. Then the other shoe fell and I found out about the possible move. At this point I had two choices, accept God’s will or be a baby. There were times I was a real baby. I even prayed that the job wouldn’t work out (sorry Ryan!).

I had to come to the realization that it’s not all about me and what I want. I had this vision of what my life would be like once my daughters were married. They would live nearby and be able to come over for dinner. While their husbands were at work we would go shopping and spend lots of time together. Once they had my grandchildren my time would be spent spoiling them and having a grand old time. I have come to realize that, at least with Lindsay, that won’t be the case. At first when I heard about the move I thought I would go visit every few months, then I realized I couldn’t do that. I have a family here that I need to attend to, and besides, there would be utter mutiny if I tried to go and leave all of the other girls here at home.

Instead of feeding my selfish desires and complaining about what I couldn’t have, I decided to take a page out of Pollyanna’s life. I was going to play the glad game. I was going to see what I could be glad for with what I was given. After thinking about it for a while, I am truly thankful that they live in Denver. I think in the long run it will be good for everyone. It will allow them to become truly one with each other and have to depend on one another for everything. I will be good for her sisters who see her as a second mother. If she were here, I think that it would be too easy for them to insert themselves into her life too much. I also believe that it is good for them to be establishing themselves in a church as a couple, not as an extension of our family.

Do I want all of my other daughters to live away from me so that they can have all of the same benefits I see for Lindsay? No, I would still love to have all of my daughters near me when they marry, but if it’s God’s will for them to live away, I pray that I will be able to see the blessings in His plan, and be thankful for His design.

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